The Reality of Arguing with Your Child and What You Can Do to Stop it
Conflicts are inevitable in life. This happens between people with different opinions, perspectives, and values. No matter how necessary they are, they can cause immense stress. The same goes for children, who sometimes fight with their parents by pushing their boundaries and refusing to take no for an answer.
The Struggles of Arguing With Your Child
Most parents will tell you how it takes every ounce of energy to put on a happy face when they are arguing with their child.
The best way to avoid these heated fights is by not arguing at all. We should instead find ways to empathize with our children and find a middle ground that satisfies both sides of the equation. It can be hard but it’s worth it in the end.
How to Stop Arguments From Happening – Tips for Making Peaceful Parenting a Reality
- Be patient
It’s not always possible to avoid arguments, but if you’re able to keep calm and think before reacting, then you’ll have a much easier time keeping the peace between you and your child. If you find yourself getting angry, try to take a step back and breathe deeply. Try to remember what triggered your anger and how you felt at the time. Then, ask yourself whether your actions were appropriate.
- Don’t let your emotions get out of control
If you start feeling frustrated, upset, or anxious, don’t let these feelings build up inside of you which will burst out as anger. Instead, try to focus on something else. Take deep breaths and calm yourselves.
Despite being adults, we have a tough time controlling our emotions. So we should be empathetic with kids who have less control over their emotions.
- Avoid using physical punishment
Physical punishment doesn’t teach children anything. In fact, it teaches them that hitting others gets them what they want. Physical punishment isn’t effective either. Children who are physically punished often become aggressive towards their parents later in life.
- Talk to your child about their behavior
Children learn best when they understand why they do certain things. Keep calm and explain to your child that the behavior is intolerable and this could hurt others’ feelings. Also, ask them how they would feel if someone behaves the same as they do.
By explaining your expectations to your child, he’ll understand the negative consequences of their current behavior. They’ll also be less likely to act inappropriately.
- Keep your promises
When you say you’ll do something, follow through. Kids need consistency and trust. Make sure you stick to your word and don’t break your promise.
By frequently breaking promises, we are unknowingly teaching our kids not to trust us.
- Set limits
Children need boundaries. Setting clear rules helps kids understand where they stand. It also gives them a sense of security.
- Let your child choose.
Letting children decide what they want to wear, eat, play with, etc., can help them develop self-confidence. Giving them choices encourages them to take responsibility for themselves.
Is It Normal for Kids to Have Fights With Their Parents?
Yes!
It’s normal for kids to have fights with their parents. In fact, it happens all the time. But if your child is having frequent arguments with you, then there might be some serious issues. Fighting solves very little problem— it just leads to bigger problems in the future. Both kids and parents need to work together towards this goal instead so both parties can have happier relationships without needing conflict at all.
What Causes Parent-Child Conflict?
Here are some possible reasons for these conflicts between children and their parents.
- Your Child Is Not Getting Enough Sleep
If your child isn’t getting enough sleep, he/she could be struggling with anger management issues. Lack of sleep causes irritability, mood swings, and poor decision-making skills. If you notice any changes in your child’s behavior after not sleeping well, talk to them about how much sleep they’re getting each night.
- You Criticize Too Much
Criticism is a natural part of parenting, but if you’re constantly criticizing your child, they’ll start to feel bad about themselves. The same goes for comparing our kids with other kids. It will result in anger, anxiety, and low self-esteem. So instead of criticizing, try praising your child when they do something right and find solutions calmly when they approach you regarding any problem.
- You Don’t Listen To Them
When you don’t listen to what your child says, they won’t know how to express their feelings. When kids don’t get the emotional support they need from their parents, they mostly tend to turn to destructive behaviors.
- You Are Overly Controlling
Caring and controlling are different. Controlling your child means telling them exactly what to do and how to act. If you’re overly controlling, you might make your child feel like they can never do anything right and this could trigger frustration and anger.
- You Are Expecting Too Much From Them
Parenting expectations can be lethal if our interests do not coincide with the interests of our kids. If you expect your child to always do things perfectly based on your desire, they’ll become stressed and this will later lead to mood swings, frustration, and anxiety.
- You Are Ignoring Their Feelings
Kids will do many things to seek the attention of parents. It’s their way of sharing his/her thoughts and feelings with you. If you ignore them or their feelings very often, they’ll feel left out and unwanted. This can mentally disturb them when they grow up.
Ways To Deal With Conflict And Keep Yourself Balanced As A Parent
Children are naturally emotional, and they have strong feelings about almost everything. Even though it can be challenging to teach kids to make good decisions, doing so is crucial for their development into well-adjusted adults.
- Find a way to compromise
We should find ways to help our kids deal with their control issues not by taking control away from them, but by sharing control with them. Share control with our kids? Sounds crazy. After all, we are the parents so we need to show our kids that we are in control, right? The thinking goes that they need to respect our authority or everything will devolve into chaos.
Showing our kids that we were in control will not work always. If we try to suddenly take all the control away from them what we got in return will be power struggles and the very chaos we were trying to avoid. A very simple solution for this is Compromise.
- Give your child the benefit of the doubt
As parents, it’s important for us to not just automatically assume that we know the motives behind our children’s behavior. We must learn to give our children ‘the benefit of the doubt’, as they often surprise us when we discover their true intentions!
- Avoid Criticism
We must avoid Criticism. Even so-called constructive criticism, when delivered on a regular basis, can be devastating to a child’s self-esteem. As a result, our child will feel ashamed of his natural impulses, which can lead to emotional illness. So we should tolerate and overlook most problems, drawing attention to them only when absolutely necessary.
- Explain your reasoning and listen to your child
A Child will always try to get our attention and tell us what they think. We need to explain the reasoning behind our decisions and listen to them. If we don’t do this, then we run the risk of having an argument. Also listening is the best way to resolve conflicts. If you listen, you’ll hear what your child is saying and you’ll know what they’re thinking. Listening shows that you care and that you value what they say. We should always balance the explanation and listening parts.
Also, avoid dragging the argument for a long time. Instead, resolve it with maturity and do so in front of your children. This way, both you and your spouse can have closure and your kids will learn from experience that disagreements should be solved maturely and that a solution can be attained.
